The Wonderful World of Velveeta


So I was making my famous No DWI Dip for a holiday party. I’m not going to share the recipe but I bet any reader could figure it out…

Here are a couple of clues It can make a person toot their personal horn in a symphony of over indulgence. It seems to have an addictive agent that forces the hand to mouth motion beyond reason. The dip fills the belly letting, alcohol pounce around a bit before it dives through the blood stream in a blitzkrieg of disaster. Yes, the main ingredient is Velveeta. The kids love it, so I was stirring the cubes of cheese-flavored plutonium. After zapping them with rays of synthetic energy, they held their form defying my spoons aggression like the freedom fighters in Braveheart. No, the tubes were not wearing kilts, don’t be silly! But it took several rounds in the microwave before the cubes surrendered their solid form.

“I’m melting! I’m melting,” the squares squealed like the wicked witch of the west did as her green face contorted in pain,

Speaking of green faces contorting in pain. Alfred, the little green man who was now living with me, looked gray as he watched me wait. “You’re not going to eat that are you?”

I had learned to ignore the one who keeps trying to eat my cat. Seeing that his vomit sounds and color change were not going to convince me that Velveeta was anything but a gift from the space program, Alfred walked away.

Velveeta Cheese
A hunk of Heaven Image via Wikipedia

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