Posted in Alfred (the little green man), Colorful Excuses, From a previous life...

A funny thing happened to my birth control

I was so ready to write. The computer blinked her lights, almost winking at me because she could sense the ideas percolating in my mind. But then my life with an alien interrupted with a medical emergency of sorts.

 

It’s really kept me busy I guess I don’t really know how to begin the story or if you’re really going to believe me (if you haven’t stopped believing me about the little green guy, yet). I mean it is pretty unbelievable that this green man who came from outer space would actually steal my credit cards and my identity and go to Hollywood. But he did.

He came back with his tail between his legs, which really made him clumsy. I  could understand that and that he knocked into my coffee table and broke the vase, but he seemed like he forgave himself way before I forgave him and he didn’t really wait for my forgiveness. That’s kind of his style he likes to strut  a bit. .

An alien attitude is a little hard to take,  I had to let it go. So I stepped aside to let  him go up to his room. Everything  seemed fine, but then I noticed something  on the floor. He was leaving a trail of little somethings.  I couldn’t tell what they  were until I pick  up one. They were those little Pez candies.

Like an addict, he snuck fixes all around the house.   It seemed so innocent, but it made such a mess. The vacuum cleaner couldn’t suck them.  So like any true friend I refused to enable him in this new and destructive behavior.  While he was out I took the liberty and snatched his Pez dispenser. It made me laugh because it was a Darth Vader Limited Edition model. Without having a pipe for his crack, I thought he would just go back to his things for potato chips . After all they don’t clog my vacuum cleaner.

But that’s when the problems began… In a sugar low rage he tore through the house and then locked himself in my room. He didn’t find Darth Vader. I  had hidden  it in my car. No he found something different, a flying saucer-shaped dispenser with dated candies.  I’m sure he didn’t know those pills were not candies and I wasn’t there to explain it all to him, but by the time I got him he had gobbled up every one of  them.


When I opened the door I almost started laughing, but the look on his face stopped me. He had grown into a C cup in minutes.  Some kind of galactic hormonal bomb that had gone off in his body.

“Well you may have a good rack, but you’re not going to get pregnant.” I said trying to cheer him up .

He started crying,a hormonal reaction; recovering quickly he decided to take a shower. Now I can’t get him out of the shower .

Author:

A.E. LaSage In her series of shorts, Behind the Bridge to Nowhere, A. E. LaSage introduced a collection of characters who live their fiction in Ketchikan, Alaska. They continue to live beyond those pages and (with others) appear in new adventures. A bit of a character herself, she enjoys finding the absurd and personal in the ordinary.

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